Although I work in a day spa (I wonder if there’s a night one), I am not a great fan of sports. However, I condescend with a walk every now and then. I grab my backpack and fill it with some high energy bars, some packets of crisps, a chocolate bar, a ham and mayo sandwich and a diet coke of course.

The snacks are essential for hard outdoor activities and keep me entertained while I walk so I don’t have to really think of the deep shit I have at home. And this is not a metaphor – very busy days at work have kept me from doing the weekly cleaning. After watching “Grey Gardens” – with Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange as the Bouvier family who went wrong and ended up living in a amazing house-dump – I started worrying with health inspectors so I did emptied the bin. I also realised why I had so many flies living happily in the kitchen, in a bread crumbs and leftovers eco-community. Hell, I do need to wash some plates and cups!

Anyway, one of these days, I was walking with my 17th year old niece, and I spotted a really curious penis-shape object lying on the floor. We were close to a golf-course car park. Was that a weird pinecone? A piece of wood? Some investigation was needed. It was the most original penis-shape object in the park we’ve ever seen. After some smelling and observation my niece had a verdict about the brown obelisk standing there with a tiny ball on each side: “Auntie Velma it's disgusting! This is poo! Do you thing it’s human?”

“No way”, I answered, opening another packet of crisps. We had seen golfers many times doing nº1, even in front of us, as if marking the territory on a pine-tree was part of improving their handicap, but they would never risk their immaculate white trousers in the mud. “No way”, I repeated. “That is dog poo!” “In that case, that’s ok”, she answered, grabbing some delicious crisps. The exciting event had made us hungrier than ever.

P.S. I’m very happy with this opportunity to tell my stories here.