What with foot and mouth a couple of years ago, and the general downturn in farming revenue, cash has been jolly strapped about here recently, which makes for some jolly good fun making do and improvising with what one's jolly well got around the place.

The credit card was cut up a few months ago, so no ordering any fun brown paper parcels for a while and I'd been thinking about getting some of those loveball things. I make quite a lot of cakes and jam for the church hall fund (be nice if they gave us some of the lolly sometimes) and that involves a lot of standing around in the kitchen stirring. Some of those loveball things jiggling about inside a girl would surely make things more...well... stirring. Add to that the splendid giggle it would be, handing over jars to those ghastly second homers in the village, with their sour common little faces, while only I know what was going on down there as I made their apple and blackberry jam.

So, I improvised: Chestnuts, I discovered, are a perfect solution. Skewer through each, string them together, and shove them up.

For my next set, though, I'll probably take them out of their cases.

What with foot and mouth a couple of years ago, and the general downturn in farming revenue, cash has been jolly strapped about here recently, which makes for some jolly good fun making do and improvising with what one's jolly well got around the place.

The credit card was cut up a few months ago, so no ordering any fun brown paper parcels for a while and I'd been thinking about getting some of those loveball things.  I make quite a lot of cakes and jam for the church hall fund (be nice if they gave us some of the lolly sometimes) and that involves a lot of standing around in the kitchen stirring.  Some of those loveball things jiggling about inside a girl would surely make things more...well... stirring.

Add to that the splendid giggle it would be, handing over jars to those ghastly second homers in the village, with their sour common little faces, while only I know what was going on down there as I made their apple and blackberry jam.

So, I improvised: Chestnuts, I discovered, are a perfect solution.  Skewer through each, string them together, and shove them up.

For my next set, though, I'll probably take them out of their cases.

Lard is a very forgiving substance, you know.  Storing it is superbly easy, it'll sit in the fridge for months on end without making a fuss.  When you need to use it, it gets soft terribly quickly, a quick and ready lubricant for all your needs.  Smearing it on an implement can make all the difference.

Golly, what does this button do?

I'm an awful beginner to this world of the internet and electric things, but as daddy always said, you have to give something an damn good kicking before you kill it.  So here I am, giving this "blogging" thing a damn good kick to its rear.

I haven't the foggiest how to make myself a "blog" (golly, it IS a ghastly word, isn't it?), so I'm awfully grateful to unkempt women for inviting me to their "space".  There must be something in this lark, lord knows what, but I'll give it a go, see what comes out.

Right.  Hello.  I'm Harriet.  Harriet Hole.

Last Tuesday, I was sitting across the kitchen table from the chap in wellies I call hubby and I thought "gosh and poop!  wouldn't it be LOVELY to tell the world about our life?".  Farming life isn't at ALL like the Archers, well, maybe a tiny bit... I mean there ARE cows and some deeply irritating people in the village, but there's so much more to living in the country than harvest suppers and townies arriving and telling us they're 90% organic.  You see, I'd like to tell you about "it".  I'm a little fed up with only seeing silly pretty young things on the box and in Cosmo and Country Life telling us all about their jolly boring sex lives and how to "do it".   Well, I'm here to tell you that there's a LOT more to "it" than they'll ever know about until they're a bit older and bit saggier!  So, stay posted and I'll tell you all about "it" on the farm.

Now, where's that "publish" button?