That Man 'o Mine is not the brightest light on the tree. Nor is he the sharpest tool in the box. He's not only a technophobe, he's also crap at DIY. (And yes, I do sometimes wonder ...) Anyway - as evidence of the above, I offer you this snippet of conversation betwixt Man 'o Mine and Our Friend, whose house we'd been looking after. Our Friend: Did you notice the front 2 rings on the cooker weren't working? Man 'o Mine: Ah, is that why we couldn't hook up to the internet?

1) Your eyebrows migrate south to your upper lip. 2) Your formerly thick curly eyelashes now sprout from your chinny chin chin. 3) You sleep when you shouldn't and can't when you should. 4) Your thighs resemble those massive skewers of meat they have for doner kebabs. 5) You acquire a fan habit for those flushy moments. 6) But frankly, my dear, you don't give a damn.